Insecure Writer's Support Group: The Stakes Are High

I had a completely different post written for June about how May went for me. (Spoiler, there was no fiction writing and little other writing. Life was lifey.) Then I watched this video from Becca Syme and her words really resonated with me.

I have definitely been missing a lot of joy when it comes to writing. My assumption was it was because of my two day jobs. If I combine both, I am pulling 10 hour work days and on my feet for both with one having a lot of people interaction and running around. I routinely get over 8,000 steps in at Salvation Army. By the end of it, I am out of gas and I fall asleep on the couch after dinner. But then Becca started talking about life's stakes and how those can derail the best writing plans.

I realized, I was living in a very high stakes moment. 

Hubby is still job hunting. His unemployment is long gone. We've just about used up the money from our tax refund. What we have in savings is going to start draining because I don't work enough or get paid enough at Salvation Army to be able to cover all the bills. Not to mention school is out this week so I'm losing my crossing guard paycheck for the summer. We've discussed more than once, "Are we going to have to sell the house we just bought?"

It's no wonder I'm struggling to write. My brain is wrapped up in figuring out how to cover the bills and ways to cut back on spending so we can make each penny last that much longer.

To add to the crap cake, hubby has been interviewing with a company. The guy he's talking to seems to like him and wants to move forward, but that guy's bosses are now dragging their feet on hiring. He's stuck in limbo and we have to figure out if he holds out for the position or should he continue applying to other places.

The stakes are high.

Writing doesn't make enough to add to our income significantly. I can't spare any money now to change that with adverting. Word of mouth takes too long. Future me will be happy, but present me is still struggling to get the bills paid. I could hope to go viral, but I doubt that would sell many books or keep those sales going in the long run. This all makes writing a low priority for my own personal survival. I have to focus on things that get me money now.

It sucks, but watching Becca's video reminded me that I am the type of writer where outside forces stifle my creativity. When the going gets tough, the writing goes for me as I need all my mental capacity to focus on the hard times and getting through. I'm not a stress writer, and I totally get jealous of those who are. You got a skill that eludes me. All I can do is hunker down and make my way through rough waters. I'll get out of it eventually and writing will come back to me.

Today's post was part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.

image of a lighthouse with the text Insecure Writer's Support Group

Created by the ninja captain, Alex J. Cavanaugh, it's a group for writers struggling with writing insecurity (AKA all of us) to gather and discuss their fears or to celebrate writing victories. If you are a struggling writer or need encouragement and friendship, join us. (Someone might have cookies!)

Remember to visit the co-hosts and give them a shout-out for helping. PJ Colando, Pat Garcia, Kim Lajevardi, Melisa Maygrove, and Jean Davis!

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Comments

You WILL get through this and the creativity/writing WILL return. In the meantime, I'm sending positive thoughts and vibes your way....
Melissa said…
That's a tough spot to be in. All I can say in the way of encouragement is that life has seasons. Life being 'lifey' (I love that, by the way) forced me into a writing hiatus for YEARS. No joke. And not just a couple of years, either - the better part of a decade. There wasn't much I could do but accept it.

Now I'm at a place where I'm able to write more than ever before and really pursue it as a second career. Those years of being kept from it were hard, but they made me want it all the more.
Really sorry you are struggling with unemployment! Prayers for a miracle.
Patricia JL said…
Thanks, Madeline. I've told hubby a few times that I know we will get through this. It's just a matter of being stubborn.

@Melissa, I'm glad you like my saying. I should put it on a t-shirt! Lately, I've seen a few people share how various famous people past and present were not young when they hit it big.

Alex, thanks. The prayers might have worked a little. Hubby uploaded his resume today after tweaking it and had a reply from a recruiter. We'll see what she has to say.
I'm sorry to hear the job search is still being difficult. I hope that something comes through soon. I'm with you--in times of stress, writing isn't something I can do much of, if any. And on your schedule, I can't even imagine finding the time and energy! Be kind to yourself.
Yvonne V said…
So sorry you're going through this! Sending positive thoughts your way.
Patricia JL said…
Rebecca, I hope so as well.
Yvonne, it's not a good time to be job hunting in tech. We need all the positive thoughts and vibes we can get.