Insecure Writer's Support Group: I Don't Need Validation--Except When I Do

The other day on Substack, a post was going around of someone who had complied their list of top fiction writers. It was a solid list with lots of good writers. And I wasn't on it. Which stung, but also, my newsletter isn't solely fiction so I can't say I was that surprised.

But I did feel pretty cruddy for a bit.

Luckily, I did the smart thing and left the computer. Hubby and I went for a walk. We went down to the pet store and checked out the animals. Then we wandered into Goodwill and I ran into a coworker and others I knew.

It made me feel better.

It also reminded me of a moment when I was in college. I was an art major and the walls were often papered with student projects. Some might have looked and felt motivated, but I had the complete opposite reaction.

I felt so demotivated by the displays. I wasn't good enough to be picked.

And the thing is, even back then, I knew that was irrational. Art is something you practice and get better at. I also knew I didn't need outside approval for my art to be good. I know that fact now.

Yet, that feeling sometimes creeps up and smacks me upside the head. Sometimes it makes no sense. I've had plenty of times I've seen others celebrate their writing get accepting by a publication and wished I could get accepted somewhere. Yet I hadn't submitted anything. That's kinda needed, ya know!

Also, I've been recognized and picked plenty of times. I even had an art project in college get pointed out by a professor as well done. It's definitely silly of my brain to get upset just for one thing I didn't get noticed for--especially when it's a thing I didn't know existed until the announcement came out.

I suppose this is one of those weird human things we do. We desire unearned rewards. At least, I do. Luckily, these bouts happen few and far between, and I'm aware of what they are so I don't let them derail me too much.

But I am curious. How do celebrations of others make you feel? Do they uplift you? Energize you to work hard to maybe earn some recognition? Do you get like me and need to step away?

PS: Happy Release day to C.D. Gallant-King! I've been waiting for the next book in his Gale Harbour series.

Today's post was part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.

Created by the ninja captain, Alex J. Cavanaugh, it's a group for writers struggling with writing insecurity (AKA all of us) to gather and discuss their fears or to celebrate writing victories. If you are a struggling writer or need encouragement and friendship, join us. (Someone might have cookies!)

Remember to visit the co-hosts and give them a shout-out for helping. Feather Stone, Janet Alcorn, Rebecca Douglass, Jemima Pett, and Pat Garcia!