Insecure Writer's Support Group: I Was Holding My Writing Back

I started writing on a whim back in 2010 or 2011. The exact date escapes me as I'm rubbish at making mental notes of things like that. I knew next to nothing about writing, but that is classic me. Dive in and learn as I go.

But I'm also the type that will need things spelled out. I might take things too literally sometimes. I recall as a child being very confused by the do not pass signs on the road. We always passed them. But they say do not pass! Another confusing moments was in Return of the Jedi. I never understood why Palpatine was afraid of the Death Star being operational.

That's what he wanted, wasn't it?

So, as I learned to write, there were things I really struggled with. It took me longer than it should have to figure out keywords could mean more than one word for example.

When I'd see people suggest squeezing in writing wherever you could manage, I had a hard time wrapping my head around the advice. I need time to sit down and get into the groove to write. I can't just write while waiting at the doctor's office. (Although, to be fair, with the wait times, I probably could have gotten into the groove.)

It never dawned on me that those inopportune moments didn't have to be hardcore writing sessions.

They could be a sentence or two. An idea for where the scene needed to go. Little things that I didn't want to forget by the time I sat down at the computer for a writing session.

I took showing up daily to always mean a ton of words and lots of chapters finished. When in reality it was more like a wave. Some days there would be lots of productivity. Other days, only a tiny bit.

This expresses quite nicely what I'm trying to say.

It was mind blowing to have this revelation, to realize I don't have to crank out a few thousand words a day. I didn't even have to write 100 if I didn't have the time. Jotting little notes was still something. Opening a WIP and staring at the screen with no idea what to write and only fixing a couple typos was still showing up. It was contributing to a writing habit.

And that's what I've been wanting to create. A writing habit that I show up for consistently. I was too rigid in my thinking to really allow myself to create one.

Sure there are times when it won't happen. I challenge you to try to focus when you're sitting in the hospital waiting room while your mom is having her kidney removed because they found cancer--a cancer that isn't always found in time and has a high mortality rate.

But now I understand how to create a habit that allows enough flexibility to stay consistent even when those disruptive life events happen. I don't have to let life totally derail me. Those will just be the times when I show up for the bare minimum. A quick note or sentence that may or may not be used. I'm not quite aiming for zero day writing, but I now believe I can create the writing routine that I've always dreamed of having.

Today's post was part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.

Created by the ninja captain, Alex J. Cavanaugh, it's a group for writers struggling with writing insecurity (AKA all of us) to gather and discuss their fears or to celebrate writing victories. If you are a struggling writer or need encouragement and friendship, join us. (Someone might have cookies!)

Remember to visit the co-hosts and give them a shout-out for helping. Janet Alcorn, T. Powell Coltrin, Natalie Aguirre, and Pat Garcia!