Why Did This Affect Me?

I've been hanging a lot on Substack's Notes. There's a vibrant fiction community there and people share writing prompts and micro fiction. A recent friend I made, Miguel, has been posting daily prompts with 50 word stories. Lots of people join in, myself included.

The other week, Miguel posted a story.

Something about the lines where the character lost just punched me in the feels. I couldn't stop thinking about it. A week later, it was still on my mind, and I restacked it and said the story was living rent-free in my head. I wanted this fictional character to have a happy ending.

Miguel, after some prompting with an awkward stare gif, delivered a new ending for the character.

I lost my shit.

That new ended hit me in the feels harder. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for the ending, but I was also bawling like a baby at it. And I was asking, Why?

Why did this story affect me so much?

Lately, I've been grappling with the feel of being a failure. Made more poignant by the fact I announced my next book was available for pre-order to the sound of crickets. When I showed my two besties, they hit like.

And that was it.

No congrats. Didn't order. Just a like and then the conversation moved on. Other places I announced it were met with similar outcome. The excitement at having a new book fizzled pretty quickly.

I guess I saw myself in that first story. Drowning in a sea of failures. But even during those moments, I refused to just give in. I couldn't accept defeat.

That's why I wanted the second story so badly. I see the first story happening over and over, the character despairing at each loss and fearing he will never win. Until he found the strength to say no. And even though he has a long road ahead, that didn't matter. He had already won just by taking that first step.

I needed the reminder to never let the failures get me down. (Any failures, too, not just lack luster book announcements.) I am winning because I am still going.