PJL's Write Life

I am happy to say my November writing break was a success. Now, I can't claim I wrote a ton of words, but the few I did get down, I felt excited about. I felt excited for writing. That tells me the recharge was needed. Which is funny because I really resisted doing it. I felt bad for wanting to hit pause. That was because a mixture of pressure from myself and outside pressure. Mind you, know one was pestering me to write, but listing to others talk about writing made me feel pressure to keep at it too. It was like a fear of being accused of not actually being a writer because I took a break.  I feel like that is a big problem online, too. We see others doing the thing we do and seeming to do it well, so when we don't stack up, we start guilting ourselves or impostor syndrome kicks in. We often need a constant reminder to not do that. I guess it's because the thing we might be taking a break from is something we are passionate about. We don't like the idea that, yes, we ...

Last month, I decided to take a break from writing. I had finished a collection of 200-word stories and with Christmas craft show season starting, it was perfect timing as I'd need more time to knit. As with other times when writing has taken a back seat, I expected some guilt. Or to get a bout of inspiration that drove me to write despite me declaring I was taking a break. But I didn't feel any of that. Instead, I felt... Relief. This year has been eventful. Hubby and I bought our first house. I painted almost all of the interior. I cleaned up and planted some little garden beds. I went back to work at Salvation Army and got a year around position. When school started I went back to crossing guard. Hubby lost his job and we lost health insurance and all financial security. We've had some family deaths. It's been a lot. I feel like so much has been piled on my plate. (Some of it self-inflicted, mind you.) To take something off was a relief. All year, I've been strug...

It may not be 2020 but nothing messes things up like a bout of Covid. Yup, that and an ER visit got piled on top of all the other crap life has put there . IF anyone would like to know what it feels like when you're on the verge of passing out, I can tell you. #youknowyoureawriterwhen Anyway, so yup, my October went off the rails. I'm definitely used to it happening by now . As a result, I didn't get much writing or knitting done. But it did happen. A tiny bit when I had some spare energy, which wasn't much because my body was putting most of it into fighting off Covid. I was so hungry the entire time and I slept so much. (When I could. Current CDC guidelines meant I didn't have to be negative to go back to work, so I didn't get many days off before having bosses ask when I was able to come back and that tends to trigger my people pleasing tendencies. Looking back, I feel like I should have put my foot down and said no. I did not get to rest and recover much. Th...

So, my husband got laid off at the end of September. I don't need to tell you that's bad, but it's particularly bad in our case as his job paid about, oh... 100% of the bills. And gave us health insurance. I am trying very hard to not say very mean things about his former employer. As you can imagine this has ground my writing to a near halt. I've managed a few 200-word stories, but I haven't had the mental energy to attempt another chapter of Arctic Curse . And I have been okay with that fact. I used to get eaten up by guilt whenever life got out of control and shrank my writing time. I would lament not being able to write under pressure like other writers I knew. I hung my head when I had no word counts to post on Twitter. The guilt was so heavy, and as a result, I'd write even less . Too much mental energy was being consumed by the guilt. Learning to let that guilt go and tell myself that it was okay not to write helped me to write during tough times. It was...

So, I released a book at the end of July. I bet you didn't know that because I didn't do any hype. I didn't ask for help. I just decided to hit publish and took action. The only thing I did was send a newsletter out with the announcement and shared it over on Substack Notes the next day. It was probably my best release ever. I had KU reads. I got paperback sales (people got their copy before I got my box of copies.) I sold 11 copies. And the best thing? I didn't feel like I had to beg for any of it. Usually, I put the book up for pre-order and I send out a call for help. Then I spend the next month or so sharing the book and feeling like I'm having my teeth pulled. Pre-orders trickle in and when release day rolls around, I have friends sharing the news and celebrating with me, but not much happens sale-wise. The pre-orders show a nice little spike on my dashboard, but I can't say many new sales join them. It makes for a weird day as I try not to focus too much o...

Last month I purposefully missed IWSG. There were a couple things I could have written, some drafts I had saved, but instead I opted to skip out. I gotta be honest. It was refreshing. Don't get me wrong. I love this group. Your support is amazing and motivates me to keep going. I probably would have quit writing if not for my fellow writers. I may be an introvert, but it is human nature in all of us to need some form of comradery. When we find something we love, we want to share it with others who love it too. Then during the low parts, we have friends to turn to. But taking a break from posting here was still nice. I'm back to work at Salvation Army and I've been going at gardening full throttle. It's worn me out because I keep forgetting I'm not in my teens or twenties and acting like I am. Top it off with a family get together and a friend's dad's memorial, I had no spare gas in my tank for IWSG. There's been days I haven't bothered turning on the...

There was a time when I'd think about not being able to write because I got hit by a bus or was somehow incapacitated. Panic would grab me. I'd feel a burning fire to get writing because life is unpredictable and I may not be able to get all the stories I had inside me out. In a way, it was FOMO. Lately, that FOMO doesn't feel the same. There isn't a panic in me anymore that I won't have time to get all my stories out. Instead, the panic is about not being able to experience life. The stories will remain in my head. They aren't going anywhere. But my chance to take hubby to the Grand Canyon? I gotta get on that before it's too late. This shift is another thing my Endometriosis and surgery caused. Being free of that pain means I'm more able to, well, flat-out live. I don't have to schedule things around when the pain flares will hit. I'm not so exhausted that if I do go out and do something that I have to spend a few days recovering from it. If I...